Some days...

I just wanna go back to work.** I want to put my kid in day care, with 30 other kids who are probably all sick, I want to leave me house early in the morning, and come home to find it still picked up. I want to feel like I accomplish something every day (besides laundry and dishes and errands and cleaning up and cooking and playing with the kid)I want to come home to dinner made for me. I want to have the joy of making my own money, and having the extra money a job would bring. I want to have a cleaning crew again. I miss having a life outside of my kid and husband and house. I miss the person i was before I was just mommy. Sometimes I think I've lost myself a little. Like I'm just Mommy, wife, cook, cleaner etc, I'm not Steph anymore.

I know I'm totally delusional, and working would probably suck, since Jeff isn't into the whole we both work full time and both have to do half the house hold stuff. That's a big part of why I quit working the last time. I couldn't work 12 hour days and do all the laundry and cooking and clean up after him too. But still. Some day's I miss working.









** This does not mean I totally love my daughter and my husband, and I know I'm lucky I can stay home with her, and still have a pretty nice life. I just need to find some balance and do some things I enjoy.

Conversations with yeah yeah...

If you ask Amelia to say her name, she says "yeah-yeah".

I was finishing breakfast this morning when Amelia noticed that I had food and she didn't.

Amelia- I'm hunree Mama. (While trying to take food out of my hands)

Me- You're hungry?

Amelia- Nope. Is it goo?

Me- Yes it's good. Do you want some?

Amelia- Nope. Wanna bite? Yummy. (Now she has climbed into my lap and is again trying to take food out of my hands. I give her a bite of my veggie burger and some corn.)
Amelia- Tankoo mama. Is Yummy. ( Gives me a hug and takes off to go play.)


I love my "job".

I'll be back...

later to do an actual post, for now I leave you with Amelia's first ride on the teeter totter.

I've calmed down now. I don't think Kaiser is evil anymore. ( Well maybe a little bit. LOL) I just have to get better at navigating the big system. I guess I got spoiled having a small doctors office group in Aliso Viejo.

They're evil I tell ya!

I have decided that Kaiser Permanente insurance is evil. When we switched companies, most things stayed the same except health insurance. We went from a wonderful enhanced PPO, to the worst kaiser plan there is. ( You know, $40 office visits, $200 a day co pays to be in the hospital) And we pay twice as much for this as we did the Cigna plan. I can deal with all that. Yeah it sucks to switch pediatricians but I can deal.

Then I tried to call and get an appointment. Do I get to call the office? No I call an 800 number and speak to someone who is probably not in this state or maybe the country, they make appointments for the OC. I am told for the kiddos 2 year check up, we don't get to see a doctor just a nurse. I requested a doctor and was told no. It took me about 45 minutes to make the appointment, the lady had to check 3 different facilities to finally find a nurse who was available for her 2 year check up, which is over a month away. That really bothered me that we couldn't see a doctor, so I called member services this morning. The lady was nice and she called the office for me, put me on hold for a half hour and told me all I had to do was ask if I wanted to see a doctor. ( The fact that I asked 3 or 4 times yesterday didn't matter.) She gave me the name and number of who to call to get an appointment with a doctor.

I called this local number and ended up being transferred to the same call center I called yesterday. I told the lady what I was told by the previous person at member services. She said "well there is no way I can help you. I'm in a call center. We don't have a direct line in, I have no way to know who that person is." So I'm back at square one, except my BP is a little higher and I want to scream. Poor DH, I called and yelled at his voicemail that he needs to find a new job with better insurance... I did call back and apologize and tell him to not listen to my message...



I'm sure part of the reason I'm so irritable today is because our neighbors alarm went off sometime during the night. It went off until the contractors working on the house got here at 830 this morning. Did I mention their condo is attached to ours?

Oh well at least my kid is cute. :-)

Double Trouble

Aren't they cute? They definitley got into some mischief together. Most of which involved Amelia clobbering Emma. I guess she was making up for the last trip where Emma got Amelia most of the time.

Brianna tagged everyone who reads her blog with the 2006 Meme!

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? Celebrated my child's first birthday.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I don't do resolutions. If I had one it would be the same as last year, to get more healthy.


3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My sister. She lives far away but I was there when it happened. And my friend Stacy. There are lots of pregnant people around now though! 2007 will be a longer list. :-)

4. Did anyone close to you die? My dad. Jeff's friend Travis. My Grandpa Earl. Yup this year sucked.


5. What countries did you visit? Oregon is a seperate country right?? lol It's sure different than the OC. ha ha ha


6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? Better organization, less stressful stuff.

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?I don't really like this one but I guess January 27th, Amelias first birthday and April 9th, the day my dad died.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Becoming a stay at home mom and surviving.


9. What was your biggest failure?I don't know.


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?I'm sick right now. No inuries that I recall.

11. What was the best thing you bought? I'm not sure. New furniture I guess?


12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Everything Amelia does gets celebrated.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Britney Spears. Whats up with that chick?
14. Where did most of your money go? housing. Our biggest expenditure every month by far is housing.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Amelia turning one, all my trips to Portland, not having to drag my kid to work anymore

16. What song will always remind you of 2006? Dixie Chicks, not ready to make nice.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? about the same. I gotta lose more weight!
c) richer or poorer? I guess poorer. I'm not working. Although our expenditures went down drastically when I quit working ( Who knew cooking meals at home saved so much money lol!!) and i think we're doing better financially now.



18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spending more time taking Amelia to see my dad.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Not paying attention to what I was eating.

20. How did you spend Christmas? With jeff and Amelia, and my mom, and my sister and brother in law and my nieces.

21. Did you fall in love in 2006? With my new niece Lilly. She is the happiest baby I have ever met.
22. How many one-night stands? None.

23. What was your favorite TV program? Grey's Anatomy, Bones, Numb3rs...

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nope.

25. What was the best book you read? Your first quilt book (Or it should be!) Great instructional book, even if you already know some sewing quilting.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? IPOD. ( Thanks Jeff!!)

27. What did you want and get? Ipod, dvd burner, new hard drive...

28. What did you want and not get? can't think of anything

29. What was your favorite film of this year?I Don't know, I'm not much of a movie person. Ask Jeff. LOL

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 26 and it was last February. I don't remember what we did. Must not have been much I guess. LOL

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not sure. I had a pretty good year. i guess not losing the people we lost?

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Fashion? I am a stay at home mom. Getting out of the house in clean clothes that the kid hasn't smeared food on is my concept! lol

33. What kept you sane?Jeff and Amelia. And my friends. :-)

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Not sure.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? The banning of gay marriages. I'm bothered that people spend so much time and energy on harassing other people.

36. Who did you miss? My dad.

I don't know who will read this and actually do it,(and hasn't already done it) so I'll tag Sarah and Kathy and Michelle as well as anyone else who reads this blog.

A little dirt never hurt anyone...

What happens when you mix Amelia, a bucket, some water and dirt?

This is wrong...

This article was in the register today. I have total respect for most law enforcement officers. But planting evidence like a loaded gun for "training purposes" is just asking for trouble. And police officers wonder why people don't trust them???

Here is the link
http://www.ocregister.com/ocregister/news/abox/article_1371805.php
and the article.

Police admit planting evidence


Huntington Beach chief says officers routinely employ tactic with civilian vehicles as part of training exercises.

By JENNIFER MUIR
THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER
HUNTINGTON BEACH – A Huntington Beach police officer's exoneration for planting a loaded gun in a suspect's car has led to the revelation that police routinely plant evidence in unsuspecting civilians' vehicles for training exercises.

Chief Kenneth Small said Friday that police plant contraband – including unloaded weapons, fake drugs and drug paraphernalia – in suspects' vehicles after they're arrested as a method of training new officers in searches.

The training practice came to light Friday after a Huntington Beach man said he learned that an officer who planted a handgun in his car during a traffic stop was exonerated of wrongdoing. Thomas Cox, who was later convicted of traffic and drug violations, said he watched in horror as another officer found the gun in the trunk of his Hyundai, igniting laughter among officers.

News of the training technique sparked surprise and criticism from police officials across the county, who said planting weapons in civilian vehicles is "inappropriate" and a "bad idea."

"I've never heard of anybody doing that," said George Wright, chairman of the Criminal Justice Department at Santa Ana College. "You're using someone else's property, and that can lead to other problems. … What if someone forgets about the gun and just leaves it behind?"

Police in Las Vegas abandoned a similar training tactic for drug-sniffing police dogs last year, when a man was falsely charged with drug possession after a canine officer forgot to retrieve drugs planted in the man's car, according to published reports.

Still, Small said the exercises teach newer officers how to search vehicles in realistic situations.

Performing the exercise in a parking lot with a police vehicle would not be as effective because the officers would be expecting to find contraband, he said. The training is usually done after suspects are arrested and the cars are being readied for impound, Small said.

But Cox said he was feet away from Officer Brian Knorr that January evening when Knorr flung the gun into the trunk.

"I was thinking, 'what the hell is this?'" said Cox, a 45-year-old construction superintendent. "I thought I was going to get a weapons charge. I thought I was going to get my ass kicked."

An officer found the gun minutes later, Cox said.

"That's not my gun!" Cox said he shouted.

Cox had been pulled over by police after a witness said he saw Cox hit another vehicle and flee the scene.

Cox said he was never told the officers were performing a training exercise.

He filed a complaint with the police department in August against Knorr and another officer, who he said barreled questions at him and called him names like "Slick.''

Several officers testified about the incident during Cox's October trial. Knorr testified that he planted the loaded gun because he "saw an opportunity to create a realistic search of a vehicle."

He said he and another officer "had a little chuckle" that night because the gun was found by a veteran police officer instead of the intended subject of the exercise.

Cox was convicted of hit and run, driving without a license, driving under the influence, reckless driving and possession of marijuana. He awaits sentencing Dec. 15.

Last month he received a letter from the police department saying the officers in his complaint had been "exonerated" of wrongdoing.

Small said Friday that using a loaded weapon during training – as Knorr testified he had done – is against department policy, and that performing the exercise in front of Cox "could have been done in a better way."

But he said Knorr was exonerated because the policy was not widely understood.

"I didn't feel comfortable holding one officer accountable for it when others were doing it as well," Small said. "I think the department did something wrong because we didn't make sure people understood what our policy really was."

The department doesn't have a formal protocol for using the public's vehicles in training exercises, department spokesman Lt. Craig Junginger said. However, vehicle owners typically aren't told their cars are being used for training because they're not usually present when the training occurs, Small said.

The training exercises are "designed to be very controlled situations, planned … and discussed with a supervisor in advance,'' Small said.

Ed Pecinovsky, bureau chief of training for the state's commission on Peace Officer Standards and Training, said that no matter how careful officers are, using an arrestee's car in a training exercise is "asking for problems."

Cox said he's considering a lawsuit.

"This is police abuse," he said. "Huntington Beach used to be my dream home. Now, I'm moving away."

Library Time

Before I was a mommy, I was a nanny. I was always so into educational activities. With most of the families I worked with, I could do whatever I wanted with the kids. I wasn't just a caregiver, I was the activities coordinator, with petty cash. I planned play dates, we had regular trips to the zoo and chidren's museum, we attended "mommy" and me classes, we took swimming classes, I worked in classrooms of the older kids.

Now that I'm a mom, I'm not as into that stuff, and sometimes I feel bad about that. Is my kid going to miss out on something? So lately, I've been trying to get us doing more activities outside the house. So far I'm failing miserably. LOL The latest thing we tried was the library story time. I had high hopes but low expectations. It was a toddler story time for kids 0-2, which is perfect for us.

First mistake was not letting the kid run a few miles before we got there. She was so full of energy, she would not hold still. I'm sure part of that was that it was a new place.

Second mistake was arriving early. In my typical anal style, we were 15 minutes early. I hate going to new places and being late. So, the kid had already reached her attention span when it was time to sit down and listen to stories.

I was impressed with the turnout, there were probably 20 or more caregivers, mostly moms, a few grandmas and at least one dad. One woman appeared to have triplets! The librarian doing story time was great. She knew and understood toddlers, said she would do mostly songs, rhyming games and fingerplays, with a few books thrown in the mix. Amelia loved all the other kids, but she would not stay with me. There was a big stage behind the librarian, and a big sign that, of course, said, "Please stay off the stage."

Amelia took that as an invitation. SHe listened for about 15 minutes, then the pull of the stage just couldn't stop her any longer. After the 3rd time, and a few screams from the kiddo, we left. I didn't feel so bad since there were two other moms leaving with their kids because they also wouldn't stay off the stage.

We left the library and went to the park. She ran and played and made some new friends. It's so cute to see little kids who don't speak the same language communicate. There were two women at the park with a group of kids, I think they did day care. Anyway, there were 3 little girls who only spoke Spanish, they were adorable. Amelia kept talking to them, and they talked back. They communicated just fine, even though they were not speaking the same language.

I think next week we'll try the park first to wear here out, then head to the library.

Are you kidding me???

DENVER - A homeowners association in southwestern Colorado has threatened to fine a resident $25 a day until she removes a Christmas wreath with a peace sign that some say is an anti-Iraq war protest or a symbol of Satan.



Some residents who have complained have children serving in Iraq, said Bob Kearns, president of the Loma Linda Homeowners Association in Pagosa Springs. He said some residents have also believed it was a symbol of Satan. Three or four residents complained, he said.

"Somebody could put up signs that say drop bombs on Iraq. If you let one go up you have to let them all go up," he said in a telephone interview Sunday.

Lisa Jensen said she wasn't thinking of the war when she hung the wreath. She said, "Peace is way bigger than not being at war. This is a spiritual thing."

Jensen, a past association president, calculates the fines will cost her about $1,000, and doubts they will be able to make her pay. But she said she's not going to take it down until after Christmas.

"Now that it has come to this I feel I can't get bullied," she said. "What if they don't like my Santa Claus."

The association in this 200-home subdivision 270 miles southwest of Denver has sent a letter to her saying that residents were offended by the sign and the board "will not allow signs, flags etc. that can be considered divisive."

The subdivision's rules say no signs, billboards or advertising are permitted without the consent of the architectural control committee.

Kearns ordered the committee to require Jensen to remove the wreath, but members refused after concluding that it was merely a seasonal symbol that didn't say anything. Kearns fired all five committee members.




**Remind me not to visit Colorado any time soon.

Christmas is coming...

Thanksgiving is over,so I can officially begin to celebrate Christmas right? Maybe it's because I have little kid, but I am so into all these holidays this year. Thanksgiving was good, I didn't take pictures... sorry! We had lots of food ( still have lots of food thanks to the 17 lb pound turkey Jeff bought! lol)

I have decided I'm going to get one of the organic free range turkeys next year. I wish I'd thought to get one this year. Oh well.

My house is totally decorated for Christmas now. Amelia is having a ball with the tree. She wants to take everything off the tree. The only things within her reach now are candy canes.

Here she is with a hand full of candy canes...

I have now seen it all

Is your betty ready?

Lillian Faith

Isn't she just the cutest little thing?

It's raining...

well actually it's really just barely sprinkling, but I don't care. There is water falling from the sky. Yes I'm wierd, but I love the rain. I didn't realize how much until I moved somewhere that went 10 months without rain every year! lol

I love the fresh smell that happens after it rains. And the sound of rain coming down. Now if only Californians could learn to drive in the rain, so I wouldn't have to be afraid to go out on the roads today. :-)

I should know better..

than to take a nap. That what happened yesterday. I took a 3 hour long nap in the afternoon and couldn't sleep last night. If you noticed the time stamp on the last post, it was something crazy like 11:30. I'm usually in bed by 930, but after my marathon nap yesterday, I couldn't sleep. I stayed up until after 1AM playing on the computer and then I still laid in bed unable to sleep for a while longer.

But hey at least I actually posted more than one paragraph, maybe I should blog in the middle of the night more often!

Home

Home is an interesting thing. They say home is where your heart is. As a child, it's where you live, where your family is. As an adult it changes. When I was 21 I changed where home was for me. I quit my job as a preschool teacher and made the move from Astoria Oregon ( population less than 10,000) and moved to San Jose which had a population of over 900,000. It was a huge change. I had a lot of reasons for leaving which I won't get into now, but it was time for a change. Time to step out of the familiar small town life where I knew just about everyone, and go find out who I was. I left behind my family and everyone I knew. I had a job and a place to live and that was it.

I have never regretted the decision. However, I do sometimes miss the small town life. I miss the familiar. I miss having my family close by. I miss open space. I miss the trees and the rain. I miss the slower pace. When I left, I had no intention of staying in california. I was just going off to have my own adventures and see what life had to offer. I always planned to go home before I was ready to be a "real" grown up. I assumed I'd be back home before I got married and had children. I pictured myself raising my kids in the same small town environment I was raised in.

Then I met Jeff. We got married. He was transferred even further South, to Orange County. Then we had Amelia. It was hard. I didn't have any family around to help out and just be supportive. I didn't want to raise my kid in the middle of Suburbia. I tried so hard to convince Jeff to move to the NW. I just so badly wanted something familiar. I'm glad he didn't give in, I have grown to like living in the OC. I have a great group of friends, we live in a nice little place and Jeff has a good job. This is my home now. But, it doesn't mean the other places can't be home too. I will always feel like the peninsula and Astoria are home as well.

Who knows maybe someday my daughter will go off to have her own adventures, and change her perspective on home.

My accent?

This is pretty accurate, since I have only lived up and down the west coast.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The West Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.
The Midland
North Central
Boston
The South
The Inland North
Philadelphia
The Northeast
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

I'm done!

I am done with all of my Christmas shopping! I have a couple of things I ordered online that haven't shipped yet, but everything else is done. It's the beginning of November! yay me!

My kid is seriously getting spoiled this christmas. She is getting doll stuff, dress up stuff, and a bunch of toys. I can't wait to see her little face on Christmas morning. The only bad part of shopping ahead of time, is now I have to wait so long. LOL