Thursday, January 11, 2007

Some days...

I just wanna go back to work.** I want to put my kid in day care, with 30 other kids who are probably all sick, I want to leave me house early in the morning, and come home to find it still picked up. I want to feel like I accomplish something every day (besides laundry and dishes and errands and cleaning up and cooking and playing with the kid)I want to come home to dinner made for me. I want to have the joy of making my own money, and having the extra money a job would bring. I want to have a cleaning crew again. I miss having a life outside of my kid and husband and house. I miss the person i was before I was just mommy. Sometimes I think I've lost myself a little. Like I'm just Mommy, wife, cook, cleaner etc, I'm not Steph anymore.

I know I'm totally delusional, and working would probably suck, since Jeff isn't into the whole we both work full time and both have to do half the house hold stuff. That's a big part of why I quit working the last time. I couldn't work 12 hour days and do all the laundry and cooking and clean up after him too. But still. Some day's I miss working.

** This does not mean I totally love my daughter and my husband, and I know I'm lucky I can stay home with her, and still have a pretty nice life. I just need to find some balance and do some things I enjoy.