Friday, September 14, 2007

Have you ever forgotten? Forgotten that someone important is gone? When my Dad first passed away I did it all the time. It was easy to do because of the distance between us. I was used to not seeing him for months, then I'd go home and visit and he'd be there. I'd start planning a trip, or I'd be just getting into town, or I'd just think about him, and think, I need to call Dad. And just for the shortest second, I'd think he'd be there to call or see. Then I'd get that feeling like I'd been hit in the stomach. Like I'd just lost him all over again.

It's been months since I forgot, but I did it again this morning. I was thinking of the camping trips we'd take when I was a teenager. I thought of someone or something and thought I should call Dad to ask him about it. But I can't. And even though we weren't really close, especially in the end, it still sucks. And it still hurts. Maybe a little more because we weren't so close at the end, and sometimes I feel bad for that. Although it was his choices in life that kept us apart, not just the miles.

1 comment:

Slovebunny said...

OMG Steph I totally know how you feel here. My Dad & I weren't talking in the end. I don't know you think there will be time. I thought I was punishing him for being such a horrible father. I try not regret it much. But you know it kind of still hurts that I never got to say good bye or he never really got to see Steve and I be as happy as we are today in CA. Sorry you are kind of going through the same thing. Sometimes when I hear a song. Something that my Dad totally liked it brings me back. Its crazy how the song always remembers when.