Thursday, April 17, 2008
So I think I am weaning Anthony. I was really hoping to make it to a year breastfeeding him. I did everything "right" with him, but I am having the same supply issues I did with Amelia. I was able to keep her going longer by nursing her, then pumping, every 2 hours, plus drinking mother's milk tea, and lots of water, and eating lots of oatmeal and stuff. And I'd still have to suppliment. And honestly, I just don't think I have it in my to try and do that with Anthony. I'm just tired. I'm tired of him screaming at me because he's hungry and isn't getting what he needs from the boob. I was sort of okay with this decision until we went to playgroup today. All the other moms saw the bottle and asked if I was weaning him. It broke my heart to say yes. I cried all the way home. None of them were meaning to upset me, they weren't being judgmental or anything. However, it made it more real. I had to tell other people that I have issues with my supply and then I feel like I"m not good enough. Like it's not working because I'm not trying hard enough. And partly I feel like maybe I'm making excuses, because really, I hate breastfeeding. It's painful for me. I don't enjoy the snuggle time with my baby because I'm trying to watch TV or read to distract myself from the uncomfortableness of it. While I fed Anthony a bottle last night, I noticed that I enjoyed it so much more than nursing him. I got to cuddle him, and smile at him and just enjoy snuggling him.